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no opponent

from no opponent by ThIIIrd Person

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lyrics

no opponent

I must just trust and not rush
shine up brush dust and knock rust

Being,
Mentally unwell eventually I felt
Obsessively compelled to try and conquer entropy itself
I meant to be of help, I had hoped to be of assistance but only meeting resistance I choked and slipped and indeed I fell,
I’m weak and helpless full of flaws inconsistent I need to redevelop all of existence so I can free myself,
I need to flee myself,
I need some fleeting self awareness of the me that I’m seeing when I can see myself,
I beat myself into submission over tiny mistakes, could fix em all with half the time that it takes, the other half could be for sleep I shouldn’t even dwell,
I also beat myself into submission over *how* I beat myself
into submission witness the precision of a pugilist with no opponent,
boxing myself into a corner
throwing hooks but never towels I been about to collapse for a minute now, I need a way to quit this round

I guess
I must just trust and not rush
I can
Shine up brush dust and knock rust

I wouldn’t say that I’m *exactly* a perfectionist but,
Unless I lay it like a master then the session is fucked
I’m going gray over the gap between what’s pending and done,
I try to play it off as passion but the stress of it sucks,
This vessel I clutch is half empty, and half Henny, I don’t remember having such a bad memory,
I’ve got my work backwards, I’m six beers deep, saying “I should quit here and sleep”, turning my first draft in,
Observe madness as I wake up again, take up the pen, hoping I can change how I’ve been, but first I gotta get the juices flowin maybe with gin, I’m in the room alone and making it spin, a loop I hate that I’m in,
self sabotage to self loathing, witness the rhythm of a fighter deciding to be his own opponent, my pace is stick and move- shit to prove, what if I flipped the fugue over to a different groove

What if
I must just trust and not rush
I can
Shine up brush dust and knock rust

Self empathy quells entropy,
Heartfelt energy helps memory,
And I can let it be less than everything,
And I can set it free if it stresses me,
...And I can take my time,
Decide what’s mine to say and say what’s mine
And as I make it I can make mistakes
And if I’m breaking I can take a break
And if I start to speed beyond that then I can bring it on back cause I don’t need the combat,
All I really need are calm moments, to see myself as I see myself, and see that we are not opponents,
I move my work forward,
I polish each line until they got the quality shine
And that’s the verse for ya
I made it cause I meant to be of help,
And if nobody’s listening I did it just to help myself

i must just trust and not rush
shine up brush dust and knock rust

credits

from no opponent, released September 16, 2022

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ThIIIrd Person Michigan

hiii! thanks for supporting indie art. i'm also on all major streaming platforms and you can see me live and in video on tiktok, youtube, and twitch. find all my links at linktr.ee/thiiirdperson. cheers!

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