I'm seeing trees full of lights and I’m whiny
It can’t be nice for the climate how they’re so shiny
It’s in my DNA to be this way
December 23 and Me can make it regal with the rhyming

…Like here kings, I dropped this
It’s not a Hannukah song it’s not for Kwanzaas
It’s not a gospel, nobody brought myrrh
I wrote a festivus banger let’s make it awkward

Yo
I’m Frank Costanza with the grievances
Party people play the anthem when the season hits
We ain’t distracted by the gleam and glitz
Leave the tinsel home /metal pole’s all we need for this

Ain’t nobody shopping for them greedy gifts
Its more a dinner party vibe, bring ingredients
Everybody deserves some space when they need to vent
Air it out!
Frank with the grievances….

So if your momma doesn’t tip
(yo we’re airing that out)
Your daddy thinks he can’t get sick
(then we’re airing it out)
Your brother’s wife is acting fake
(so we’re airing it out)
Your cousin’s hiding all the plates–
yeah, let’s talk about Brad:

We specifically told him no when he offered to help us
with the dishes, but there he goes like all he’s caring about,
Is his mission to recompose the pans and pots on the shelf
But the pans are too damp for the shelf, *that's why I'm airing them out.*

My cortisol stays turnt every day of the year
Seeing people holding their hurt ‘stead of saying it clear
They keep it bottled up inside to never anger their peers
But then their own pain grows some self awareness
and sprouts into embarrassment
doubt branches to hatred and fear
they claim to be 'cheerful'
apparently their carols are shouts
We sing a different type of jingle no mistaking it here
It’s Frank and it’s fierce
the fairness of a narrtive account

that’s on conflict resolution!

[Those were the stanzas with the grievances.]
Party people play the anthem when the season hits
We ain’t distracted by the gleam and glitz
Leave the tinsel home metal pole’s all we need for this

Gather round the table for some peas and bisque
Scrap it out with strangers when the feats commence
All of the rest of us belong where the season is
If Festivus is wrong, player, plead the fifth

Grandma brought a casserole? I eat that
And then I offer actionable feedback
It needed more salt, and that was your fault
Every time you bring a starch?
I bring snacks

It’s in the spirit of the holiday
A healthy family dynamic when people say just what they gotta say,
Til everybody turn to wrestlers
We air it out and let it breathe like stockings it’s fucking festive

If that’s a crime, better plead the fifth…
By the way, I think your wreath is shit.
I can swing with the same chops that I feed you with
Air you out next to these motherfucking grievances

Unh
I’m Frank Costanza with the grievances
Everybody play the anthem when the season hits
Skip the freaking tinsel *once*, let the trees exist
leave the shits alone
metal pole’s all we need for this

I think it’s time to wrestle
We air it out and let it breathe like stockings it’s fucking festive
It’s almost kinda swampy
That’s why it’s called feats of strength:
You leave rank(ed) like strong feet