I must just trust and not rush
shine up brush dust and knock rust
Being,
Mentally unwell eventually I felt
Obsessively compelled to try and conquer entropy itself
I meant to be of help, I had hoped to be of assistance but only meeting resistance I choked and slipped and indeed I fell,
I’m weak and helpless full of flaws inconsistent I need to redevelop all of existence so I can free myself,
I need to flee myself,
I need some fleeting self awareness of the me that I’m seeing when I can see myself,
I beat myself into submission over tiny mistakes, could fix em all with half the time that it takes, the other half could be for sleep I shouldn’t even dwell,
I also beat myself into submission over *how* I beat myself
into submission witness the precision of a pugilist with no opponent,
boxing myself into a corner
throwing hooks but never towels I been about to collapse for a minute now, I need a way to quit this round
I guess
I must just trust and not rush
I can
Shine up brush dust and knock rust
I wouldn’t say that I’m *exactly* a perfectionist but,
Unless I lay it like a master then the session is fucked
I’m going gray over the gap between what’s pending and done,
I try to play it off as passion but the stress of it sucks,
This vessel I clutch is half empty, and half Henny, I don’t remember having such a bad memory,
I’ve got my work backwards, I’m six beers deep, saying “I should quit here and sleep”, turning my first draft in,
Observe madness as I wake up again, take up the pen, hoping I can change how I’ve been, but first I gotta get the juices flowin maybe with gin, I’m in the room alone and making it spin, a loop I hate that I’m in,
self sabotage to self loathing, witness the rhythm of a fighter deciding to be his own opponent, my pace is stick and move- shit to prove, what if I flipped the fugue over to a different groove
What if
I must just trust and not rush
I can
Shine up brush dust and knock rust
Self empathy quells entropy,
Heartfelt energy helps memory,
And I can let it be less than everything,
And I can set it free if it stresses me,
...And I can take my time,
Decide what’s mine to say and say what’s mine
And as I make it I can make mistakes
And if I’m breaking I can take a break
And if I start to speed beyond that then I can bring it on back cause I don’t need the combat,
All I really need are calm moments, to see myself as I see myself, and see that we are not opponents,
I move my work forward,
I polish each line until they got the quality shine
And that’s the verse for ya
I made it cause I meant to be of help,
And if nobody’s listening I did it just to help myself
i must just trust and not rush
shine up brush dust and knock rust
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