Steal These Presents!, by ThIIIrd Person

Steal These Presents!

by ThIIIrd Person

supported by

	/

Streaming + Download

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

Purchasable with gift card

$5 USD or more
Full Digital Discography

44

releases

Get all 44 ThIIIrd Person releases available on Bandcamp and save 65%.

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of TARXAN (Kubernetes Remix), Feathers of Mexico 3P, SUPERTOYRUN, Fragile Ones, IIInstrumentals 1, Rap Game Shoresy, Steal These Presents!, Must Be Elon, and 36 more. , and , .

Purchasable with gift card

$26.99 USD or more (65% OFF)

1.	Do You Fear What I Fear? 03:45	lyrics	buy track
The police keep gunning people down Do you fear what I fear? Billionaires are building underground Do you fear what I fear? A time, a time, dripping with distress It will put us all to the test It will put us all to the test Gaza bombings seem to never end Do you fear what I fear? Donald Trump is gonna run again Do you fear what I fear? A world, a world, tipping on the brink It could end as quick as a blink It could end as quick as a blink Housing prices beyond people’s means Do you see what I see? Charging folks to get the new vaccines Do you see what I see? A state, a state Fucked up by the rich They could drive us into a ditch They could drive us into a ditch Microplastics swimming through the seas Do you know what I know? Thermostat just jumped two degrees Do you know what I know? A child, a child, shivering in the cold Could be far too warm when they’re old Could be far too warm when they’re old
2.	Vrabel, Vrabel, Vrabel 01:42	lyrics	buy track
Mike Vrabel was a lineman with 57 sacks Three rings upon his fingers, and all-pro level stats Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel You crushed back in the day Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel Your coaching is ok As head coach of the Titans, Mike Vrabel’s doing fine A bit above 500, the good side of the line Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel The GOAT before ‘08 Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel You coach the team ok 11 interceptions, 12 catches for TDs over 700 tackles, a playmaking machine Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel How well you used to play Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel Your coaching is ok Mike Vrabel’s tasted winning and he wants it for his teams They’ve kind of struggled lately but they’re better than it seems Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel How well you used to play Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel You also coach ok A legend at a level that most people never reach His playing fed his fam and then he stuck around to teach Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel How well you used to play! Coach Vrabel Vrabel Vrabel Your coaching is ok!
3.	All Is Well (Batman Smells) 04:20	lyrics	buy track
All is well, Batman smells Robin has laid an egg Batmobile has lost a wheel The Joker is just jete-ing He ballets The ballerina All is cool, Alfred drools Catwoman’s getting spayed Batcave doors got off their course And penguin is just plie-ing He ballets The ballerina All’s on fleek, Gordon reeks, Nightwing slept through the day Bat-Boat bow is cracking now And Scarecrow is relevé-ing He ballet The ballerina All’s in sync, Batman stinks, Fox can’t keep hounds at bay Batpod tire caught on fire And Bane is pas de bourres-ing He ballets The ballet Batman smells
4.	Must Be Elon 03:47	lyrics	buy track
Must be Elon Who has a vibe that is gross and bad Elon has a vibe that is gross and bad Who’s got an app but he can’t sell ads Elon’s got an app but he can’t sell ads Can’t sell ads! Gross and bad! Must be Elon, must be Elon Must be Elon, Elon Musk! Who doubles down like he won’t grow up? Elon doubles down like he won’t grow up! Who makes cars and his cars blow up? Elon makes cars and his cars blow up! Won’t grow up! Cars blow up! Can’t sell ads! Gross and bad! Must be Elon, must be Elon Must be Elon, Elon Musk! Who seems to be an apartheid fash? Elon seems to be an apartheid fash! Who flies rockets that rain down trash? Elon flies rockets that rain down trash! Apartheid fash! Rains down trash! Won’t grow up! Cars blow up! Can’t sell ads! Gross and bad! Must be Elon, must be Elon Must be Elon, Elon Musk! Who made an unsafe fucked up truck? Elon made an unsafe fucked up truck! Who made a pretty fun website suck? Elon made a pretty fun website suck! Fucked up truck! Website sucks! Apartheid fash! Rains down trash! Won’t grow up! Cars blow up! Can’t sell ads! Gross and bad! Must be Elon, must be Elon Must be Elon, Elon Musk! Whose favorite sex bribe is a horse? Elon’s favorite sex bribe is a horse! Who acts out cause he’s so divorced? Elon acts out cause he’s so divorced! Sex bribe horse! So divorced! Fucked up truck! Website sucks! Apartheid fash! Rains down trash! Won’t grow up! Cars blow up! Can’t sell ads! Gross and bad! Must be Elon, must be Elon Must be Elon, Elon Musk! Who can’t meme so he overbids? Elon can’t meme so he overbids! Who loves eugenics but avoids his kids? Elon loves eugenics but avoids his kids! Overbids! Avoids his kids! Sex bribe horse! So divorced! Fucked up truck! Website sucks! Apartheid fash! Rains down trash! Won’t grow up! Cars blow up! Can’t sell ads! Gross and bad! Must be Elon, must be Elon Must be Elon, Elon Musk!
5.	The Crypto Apes 04:45	lyrics	buy track
It was almost dinnertime There I stood in the Five Guys line Trying to buy a hot dog or two Not really in a “burger” mood Right in front of me in queue was a guy who paid for Twitter Blue Grinding hard per sigma mindset And in his hand he held the internet Some art was on his phone, it was clumsy and overblown And while we waited to order food He made a request that was sort of rude: “Mister won’t you buy these apes? I want out of NFTs Because they cost me my mortgage and my wife First you gotta buy these coins Market’s at an awesome price And if this Astro interests you, And if you get some slurp juice too Then you can craft three Apes anew And crypto can eat up your life” He pitched to me for what seemed like days cashier said “cmon man, you gotta pay” He gave his pocket two taps with his hand Smiled at me and he said “hey man I bought these apes for like seventy racks But right now I want a short order snack Tell me, guy, for seven hundred bucks… Can you help me improve my luck?” So I talked him down to six, with negotiating tricks And I’ll never forget how his face got annoying when he said “You can pay with your favorite coin” Mister won’t you buy these apes? I want out of NFTs Because the inner circles are alt-right You gotta pay some gas fees too Cover all the costs each time And if the numbers don’t go up And no one wants to buy that stuff You buy the dip and you hodl tough And let crypto eat up your life I knew I’d got a bargain basement rate But I felt a twinge of doubt Because if prices never go back up, And no one else gets in, then I can’t get out So mister won’t you buy these apes? Join the world of NFTs This one here has a booger made of Sprite™️ You could get rich, sir They sell for a lot online Of course the buyer tends to spend Cash fronted by his seller friend This perfect scheme won’t ever end If you let crypto eat up your life
6.	FSTVS 23 04:20	lyrics	buy track
Im seeing trees full of lights and I’m whiny It can’t be nice for the climate how they’re so shiny It’s in my DNA to be this way December 23 and Me can make it regal with the rhyming …Like here kings, I dropped this It’s not a Hannukah song it’s not for Kwanzaas It’s not a gospel, nobody brought myrrh I wrote a festivus banger let’s make it awkward Yo I’m Frank Costanza with the grievances Party people play the anthem when the season hits We ain’t distracted by the gleam and glitz Leave the tinsel home /metal pole’s all we need for this Ain’t nobody shopping for them greedy gifts It's more a dinner party vibe, bring ingredients Everybody deserves some space when they need to vent Air it out, Frank with the grievances…. So if your momma doesn’t tip (yo we’re airing that out) Your daddy thinks he can’t get sick (then we’re airing it out) Your brother’s wife is acting fake (so we’re airing it out) Your cousin’s hiding all the plates yeah, let’s talk about Brad. We specifically told him no when he offered to help us With the dishes but there he goes like all he’s caring about, Is his mission to recompose the pans and pots on the shelf But the pans are too damp for the shelf that’s why I’m airing em out my cortisol stays turnt every day of the year Seeing people holding their hurt ‘stead of saying it clear They keep it bottled up inside to never anger their peers But then their own- pain- grows some self awareness and sprouts Into embarrassment doubt branches to hatred and fear they claim to be cheerful apparently their carols are shouts We sing a different type of jingle no mistaking it here It’s Frank and it’s fierce the fairness of a narrative account (that’s on conflict resolution) Those were the stanzas with the grievances. Party people play the anthem when the season hits We ain’t distracted by the gleam and glitz Leave the tinsel home metal pole’s all we need for this Gather round the table for some peas and bisque Scrap it out with strangers when the feats commence All of the rest of us belong where the season is If Festivus is wrong player plead the fifth Grandma brought a casserole? I eat that And then I offer actionable feedback It needed more salt, and that was your fault Every time you bring a starch? I bring snacks It’s in the spirit of the holiday A healthy family dynamic when people say just what they gotta say, Til everybody turn to wrestlers. We air it out and let it breathe like stockings it’s fucking festive... ….If that’s a crime, better plead the fifth. By the way, I think your wreath is shit I can swing with the same chops that I feed you with Air you out next to these motherfucking grievances Unh, I’m Frank Costanza with the grievances Everybody play the anthem when the season hits Skip the freaking tinsel once let the trees exist Leave the shits alone metal pole’s all we need for this I think it’s time to wrestle We air it out and let it breathe like stockings it’s fucking festive It’s almost kinda swampy That’s why it’s called- feats- of strength You Leave ranked like strong feet

credits

released December 18, 2023

license

some rights reserved

about

ThIIIrd Person Michigan

hiii! thanks for supporting indie art. i'm also on all major streaming platforms and you can see me live and in video on tiktok, youtube, and twitch. find all my links at linktr.ee/thiiirdperson. cheers!