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The Crypto Apes

from Steal These Presents! by ThIIIrd Person

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lyrics

It was almost dinnertime
There I stood in the Five Guys line
Trying to buy a hot dog or two
Not really in a “burger” mood
Right in front of me in queue was a guy who paid for Twitter Blue
Grinding hard per sigma mindset
And in his hand he held the internet

Some art was on his phone, it was clumsy and overblown
And while we waited to order food
He made a request that was sort of rude:

“Mister won’t you buy these apes?
I want out of NFTs
Because they cost me my mortgage and my wife
First you gotta buy these coins
Market’s at an awesome price
And if this Astro interests you,
And if you get some slurp juice too
Then you can craft three Apes anew
And crypto can eat up your life”

He pitched to me for what seemed like days
cashier said “cmon man, you gotta pay”
He gave his pocket two taps with his hand
Smiled at me and he said “hey man
I bought these apes for like seventy racks
But right now I want a short order snack
Tell me, guy, for seven hundred bucks…
Can you help me improve my luck?”
So I talked him down to six, with negotiating tricks
And I’ll never forget how his face got annoying when he said
“You can pay with your favorite coin”

Mister won’t you buy these apes?
I want out of NFTs
Because the inner circles are alt-right
You gotta pay some gas fees too
Cover all the costs each time
And if the numbers don’t go up
And no one wants to buy that stuff
You buy the dip and you hodl tough
And let crypto eat up your life

I knew I’d got a bargain basement rate
But I felt a twinge of doubt
Because if prices never go back up,
And no one else gets in, then I can’t get out

So mister won’t you buy these apes?
Join the world of NFTs
This one here has a booger made of Sprite™️
You could get rich, sir
They sell for a lot online
Of course the buyer tends to spend
Cash fronted by his seller friend
This perfect scheme won’t ever end
If you let crypto eat up your life

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from Steal These Presents!, released December 18, 2023

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ThIIIrd Person Michigan

hiii! thanks for supporting indie art. click any release for the 65%-off discography deal! i'm also on all major streaming platforms and you can see me live and in video on tiktok, youtube, and twitch. find all my links at linktr.ee/thiiirdperson. cheers! ... more

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